put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
