I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
