Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
