3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
