I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
