nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
