My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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