If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you didnt know i had herpes?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
