I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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