So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
