i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you didnt know i had herpes?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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