If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
