And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
