did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
