Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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