apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
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Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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