I can text with my tongue
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
