I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
