i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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