I hope mine doesn't look like that
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
