So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
