Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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