he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
