I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
