new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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