I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
