Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
