You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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