I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
