i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
