How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize