woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
