woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
