Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
