hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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