I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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