Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
