Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
