Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So squirting runs in the family.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
