things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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