Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
