someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
