No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
