Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
