K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
