I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We named our party play list daddy issues
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
