Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
