I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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