just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Your penis caused this!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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