Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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