My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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