ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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