Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
