i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
