He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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