Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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