I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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