i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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