i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
