I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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