I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
