I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
