I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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