I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
