i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My bed smells like the plague
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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