What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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