i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh god it's open bar.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
