I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
