i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
