My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I checked into jail on foursquare
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
