I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize