I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
