normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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